Top 10 Horrible Names To Give Your Baby

When I was pregnant and we were thinking of baby names, I stumbled onto a site that advised you on what not to name your baby. That led me to google bad baby names and the lists that I found were just hilarious.

My friends and I were just discussing bad baby names the other day and I thought it would be such a laugh to share it with you. If you're currently pregnant (or will be in the future) and thinking of naming your kid one of the following, please don't. For goodness sake, don't! And you're welcome.

(Note: Photos, which are proof the names are real are courtesy of my friend J who's a neonatal nurse at a local hospital - many thanks!)

#1: Names that Sound Nice but Really Aren't
Names like Desdemona (which means devil) and Jezebel (a character known to lack morality) are infamous what-not-to-call-your-kid names for their negative connotations.

Here's a true Singapore story that I heard from my lawyer friend RTS who swore he was telling the truth. He said he had ever handled a case where the couple was going through a bitter divorce so they named their twins 'Disaster' and 'Calamity'. They might as well have named them Desdemona and Jezebel, which at least sounds nicer. I can just imagine her mother going, "Come here Disaster! You remind me daily of the pure crap I had to go through because of your dumbass father!"

The poor twins have my deepest sympathy.

#2: Names that are Too Good to be True
Haven't you heard of the saying, "If it's too good to be true, it probably isn't"?

Imagine the irony when 'Pure' does something not so pure. I'm of course also assuming these are names of girls. I shudder to think if any of these names are for a boy, stereotypical or not.

I can just picture it in my mind... "I, Princess Heart, take you, Prince Spade, to be my lawfully wedded husband..."

Not a good idea to name your kid after a preschool song either. Sounds real cute when she is a baby but can you imagine her grand kids calling her Grandma Twinkle Star? Didn't think so.

"Yo Golden, whatsup!" does have a nice ring to it.. not.

#3: Names that Do Not Fit with Their Siblings
I read a true story of a couple who had triplets. The girls were called 'Faith', 'Hope' and... wait for it... 'Ashley'. Yup, and you wonder why Ashley thought she was adopted.

Another true story I read was a strong warning from a mother to consider names carefully as she named her youngest daughter 'Ella' and her eldest son 'Sam'. Very ordinary don't you think? Until she started calling out to them together. "Sam and Ella!!" sounds suspiciously like... yup you got it. The food-poisoning inducing batteria.

#4: Names that Sound Like Something Else
My nurse friend J said recently a 'Benis' checked into the nursery a few days ago. Erm... right.

And I don't think I would be happy to meet a nurse called 'Constance Payne', which is the real name of a nurse in America. I don't know if it was on purpose or not, but 'Barb Dwyer' and 'Stan Still' also had to endure lots of teasing from ruthless classmates at school.

#5: Names that are Impossible to Pronounce Correctly
Names like 'Siobhan' (pronounced 'sher-bonne') and 'Isla' (pronounced 'eye-ler') will never get pronounced correctly in our Asian society.

My hubby wanted to name our girl 'Siobhan' (after the American Idol finalist) but I was against it because nurses at the hospital would probably pronounce it as 'Seoh-bhan' (can you blame them?) which sounds like roast meat in Hokkien. Let's face it, we all have met a nurse at the hospital who can't pronounce our names right. There is no way that you wanna make the situation even worse.

#6: Names that, Together with the Surname, Form Very Bad Initials
You don't want to be so happy with the name 'Irene Lillian' that you forgot your surname is Li, which makes your child's initials to be I.L.L. Not good. Similarly, if your surname is Sim, please don't call your child 'Alison Sim Sulin' or 'Aiden Samuel Sim'. I think you get why.

#7: Names that are Also a Verb
If I can use the word as an action, probably not a good idea to use that as a name for your kid.

Whatever possessed their parents to name them these is beyond me.

#8: Names that are Also a Place
To name your child after a road name is still somewhat acceptable, after all most roads are named after actual people. But I have to draw the line at naming your kid these..

'Ocean Sun'? Seriously?!

#9: Celebrity Names/ Nicknames

Even if you're her biggest fan, it doesn't mean your girl is. That is, assuming you are not naming her after an adjective, which is even worse.

#10: Names that are Just Plain Weird!
I know you don't wanna go with common names like 'Jayden' but you don't wanna go with a name that is so out of this world that it is just plain bizarre!

"Yo Ninja, how ya doing?"
"I'm fine Chemical Element, how about you, female version of Richie?"

Ok, I take it all back. With names like these, weird is an understatement.

P.S. If your name happened to be any of these, my condolences. If you're sick and tired of all the jokes, RTS can hook you up with a good lawyer to change it. If you are the parent who named your kid any one of these, well, you should be paying for your kid's lawyer fees. Just saying...